How do your praise your child so it’s remembered, so it is felt, processed and committed to memory? I make no bones about it! Children do not bank your praise and save it for a rainy day. It slips right by them. Why is that? It needs to be delivered so that the words and feelings are connected in a way that it is received on the other end. Receiving positive feedback for most people is difficult. It is rarely received or processed when delivered in shorthand, for example, “good job”, “way to go”, “proud of you”, or a thumbs up. These words or actions of praise do not compute fully and are not remembered in the long term.
How Do You Phrase the Praise So It’s Not Offhand?
Let’s begin on how to phrase them. In every coin of positive feedback, there needs to be specificity. You need to tell your child what job he did well. Also, it must begin with the word, “I”, and include an action word and a description of the job that was well done. For Ex. “I am so proud of how you helped me with your sister when she was tired and cranky.” “ I can see the hard work in this social studies project for school and I am proud of the way you showed how creative you can be.” Children love to please their parents and when you are specific they recognize how to get your appreciation at another time. They bank your praise when delivered from your heart and when you acknowledge in full what they did to receive that praise.
How Do you Teach or Train Children To Receive Positive Feedback?
This is actually a very important skill. If we do not learn this, then only the negative feedback will be remembered. That seems to stick like glue. This will affect every aspect of becoming emotionally able to meet challenges and overcome life’s ups and downs. Children have these times too. Yes, it takes work just like all important skills do. We didn’t learn to read or do math in one easy step. However, if you do this, the rewards will be great. Up above, we talked about parents delivering the positive feedback. To know it was received, have your children acknowledge the praise with a sentence of their own. For example, “Thanks, mom, I love helping you with my sister when she is tired or cranky.
Oh, how my life would have been different if I had only been taught as a child or young adult to receive kindness and encouragement. Was there any positive things said to me? I am sure they must have been. But I only remember how I was bullied, discouraged and left to fend for myself emotionally.
We are so busy running our children from one activity to the next or just engrossed in our tech world. Please take the time to give your children the gift of remembering what is so very good about them. Please take the time to be sure to praise your child so it’s remembered.
Sara Teasdale wrote a short verse that I have remembered since high school.
“Into my memory, I slipped a coin
That time cannot take nor thief purloin.
Far better than the minting of a gold crown king,
Is a safe kept memory of a lovely thing.”