Let’s look at controlling our inner bully. Undoubtedly, we all have the capacity to be a bully and sometimes we bully ourselves. What do you say to the bully inside you that is emotionally intelligent? In previous blogs, I have talked about different aspects of bullying and the effects it has on us personally. The most harmful bully of all is the one that appears as the voice inside your head. That voice is mean and knocks you down and causes reactions. Such as, we lash out on those closest to us to relieve the angst the mean voice causes. Or we shout at our selves and call ourselves a multiple of names. My favorites were I was fat, ugly and stupid. We may hurt ourselves physically with anorexia, bulimia, cutting, or even suicide. From where do these mean voices come?
From Where Do The Mean Voices Come?
As children, we model the behaviors of the adults that are responsible for our care-taking, education and recreational activities. We learn from the voices we here and the actions shown. For example, children in play treat their toys as their parents treat them. Teachers often overhear preschool children speaking in their parents voices and tones. When playing on a field, they may emulate their coaches. Today they learn from TV and the internet. Those mean voices resonate inside them and their reactions differ depending on their personalities. Children who are quiet and shy absorb the voices may quiet them with seclusion, or self absorption. Children more outgoing may go either way. They may be more physical when their inner bully manifests itself. Human nature attempts to right this feeling in any way we choose.
Control Your Inner Bully by being Loving, Supportive and Emotionally Intelligent
Mean inner voices need to be addressed with loving and supportive voices. They will disappear as your inner world resonates more with the goodness and kindness within you. “I” messages address personally your emotional brain giving it the positive energy it needs to heal and remember your soul’s light and love. Saying an affirmation, such as, “I am smart”, calms the mean voice of I am stupid changing the emotional brain’s energy to calm and positive. Saying it is not enough though, you must take actions to show yourself that you have the ability to make smart choices and care about loving outcomes. What we think, say and do is who we are!
Teaching children EQ skills at an early age helps them to address mean voices with their own loving and caring voices. They learn that mean voices are not true and replace them with true affirmations of their inner kindness and goodness. If I only had know this back when I was young and bullied. How different my inner and outer world may have looked. However, I have healed those mean voices in my head by doing the above. Some have loving and supportive that surround them to help with this. I have not been that fortunate. It has taken me longer but today I know with every fiber of my being that I am lovable and good enough!