What I am grateful for this Thanksgiving may surprise you since it is quite extraordinary. This past week I had a conversation with my business coach. I discovered an important part of my journey for which I had not been grateful and took for granted. I write about, teach and live an emotionally intelligent life. Yet, it has become so much a part of my everyday existence, purpose and passion that I forgot to stop and consider its impact with gratefulness. The pandemic has made me especially grateful for my ability to remain quiet, calm, centered and content. Let me explain how emotional intelligence came to be for me.
How Did Emotional Intelligence Become Part Of My Life
My childhood and teenage years certainly affected my inner belief system. I believed I was fat, ugly and stupid. Through much therapy, reading and workshops, I have resolved the fat and ugly piece and accept my flaws in all their glory. I have given up the scale so I have no idea how much I weigh and refuse to get on a scale in any doctor’s office. I became aware of my attractiveness but never really saw myself in the mirror. As I age, I am able to accept what I see with all the flaws. Not so easy some days but I do love my make-up and it helps! So this left the stupid part of my belief system. I have come to acknowledge that I am smart intellectually especially after attaining my Masters in Learning Disabilities.
All three beliefs have been resolved as best as can be being human. The triggers come to keep me humble. However, this left me with a question and dilemma that I couldn’t answer or resolve. If I am smart, attractive and accept my body, how come I am not happy?
If I Have Healed My Childhood Beliefs, Why Am I Not Happy?
Happiness was quite elusive to me for a long time. I was unable to sustain it and still made mistakes that challenged my well-being. My favorite hilarious experience was a spiritual practice that had me submerged in cold water with a snorkel. I had to stay in this tub of cold water for 15 min and I was promised that when I emerged, I would be “happy”. I stayed for 20min just to make sure and was turning blue. Lo and behold, I rose from the water yelling and sobbing, “It didn’t work, I am still not happy.” Not one of my finer moments but certainly memorable. Life continued and when my third marriage fell apart, I spent three weeks in an apartment barely existing and then Dan Goleman’s book on Emotional Intelligence fell into my hands. Was this the missing piece?
Was Emotional Intelligence My Missing Piece?
After studying emotional intelligence for a few months, I realized that I was not emotionally intelligent. I was all the other things that society believed so important and yet I had not found my true understanding of becoming an actualized person. All the therapies, books and workshops had not provided me with the social and emotional learning skills that my emotional brain needed to help me discover how to navigate as a human being. I was unable to manage my emotions effectively, no empathy for myself, my choices did not build a strong self-confidence. Though I always helped others, I derived no value from it. I did not value that helping others helped me learn to delay gratification by meeting others needs before my own.
Accountability for my actions, apologizing, oh yes, I did that, but did I do it differently the next time? Or was I always apologizing for the same thing. I had no idea that sustaining hope came in the form of asking my buddies for help not as a victim but as a person who deserved the support and help. Last but not least, persisting in the face of frustration. I persisted but it took a great emotional toll on me. I was not grateful for so much around me that would have shifted my perspective on my life and given me strength and resilience. So, what I am grateful for this 2020 Thanksgiving?
What I am Grateful For This Thanksgiving
Thanks to my session this past week with a EQ experienced coach, I am so grateful for finding what truly makes me not just happy but also content. Becoming emotionally intelligent has really brought me “personal contentment” and a sense of peace. I learned that happy is just one of the emotions we experience and it comes and goes. Emotional Intelligence has let me experience all my emotions and choose the ones that help me experience a calm in the midst of chaos. I’ve learned to emotionally be accountable and take care of and love myself each and every day. When I need support and help, I reach out with confidence and openness. Being thankful for my emotional intelligence especially during this difficult time is so appropriate. Having emotional intelligence has literally saved my life. How many more lives can it save????
For this I am truly grateful this Thanksgiving.
Happy Thanksgiving To All My Readers!
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